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With that grin on you're face.
With that slick "I love you"
You've stuck me in one place.
One room, in which has no door.
But a moving window,
I am always searching for the
right time to get free.
To get free to see my favourite light,
the family, my friends.
Alone- I am no more.
Free- I am no more.
Free to be alone- I am no more.
On my own- I am no more.
Independent- I am no more.
My same h a p p y self- Am I no more??
With that know it all proclaim.
With that constant need to speak.
With you're infinite clueless brain.
You know not how I feel.
I am bitch, hear me complain.
- Mood:
bored
Kellyface,
I must say..
you have a way of remaining on my mind,
As a friend, Like a sister.
Mainly this song made me think of
how I feel about you in a sense,
Here I'll put the lyrics below and highlight
the parts I relate with, about you!
:3
Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road, get up and go, if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave
Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends
That maybe all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you
And you may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
yea-yea yea-yea yea-yea(lol)
Theres a flower in your hair
*****
Kelly, you pretty sparkle fairy,
I heartz ya.
Your my VIP for life.
(Pretty much the whole time I was making this, I was singing along to the song a couple times, Cause it really feel that way that much that I can sing it and feel like I mean what I'm singing, with my only VIP on my mind)
you have a way of remaining on my mind,
As a friend, Like a sister.
Mainly this song made me think of
how I feel about you in a sense,
Here I'll put the lyrics below and highlight
the parts I relate with, about you!
:3
Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road, get up and go, if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave
Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends
That maybe all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you
Singing someday it'll bring me back to you
Find a way to bring myself back home to you
And you may not know
That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
yea-yea yea-yea yea-yea(lol)
Theres a flower in your hair
*****
Kelly, you pretty sparkle fairy,
I heartz ya.
Your my VIP for life.
(Pretty much the whole time I was making this, I was singing along to the song a couple times, Cause it really feel that way that much that I can sing it and feel like I mean what I'm singing, with my only VIP on my mind)
- Mood:
thankful - Music:Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning
So every year we come back to this.
The sun, its moved into cancer,
The moon, so encouraging the vicious emotional waterfall.
Off the cliff and into reality.
Out of sight and into the open field.
Leaving us exploited and disturbed.
Rattled, and thinking aloud involuntary.
...
Now its no big deal.
the limelight, on me,
But more often, than not,
it brings embarassment.
People who made promises
and writing in the stone plans,
They will come,
They will be there.
Since the many times none of them did,
I don't think I care anymore,
I hate my birthday.
I hate my Birthday.
I HATE MY BIRTHDAY
No one ever knows or cares,
so why should I?
If the world doesn't care what day it was,
when I got here,
Then why
the
fuck
should I even remember,
Why should I be happy about it?
Remembering that pain of how no one remembered,
Makes me wish it was already over.
Not really caring about whats happened to anyone else.
Just thinking of how I know,
that day that was supposed to be mine,
never came.
Will it ever, I doubt it.
People don't change,
If they/anyone remember/s,
its probably facebooks fault.
- Mood:
gloomy - Music:Now your gone
"The more devoted,
The more reason to lie."
?
I think that statement could definitely The more reason to lie."
?
be possible considering ....
the more you care for
something or someone,
the less we want conflict
or complication.
Something being what you may have in your life
that is most important enough to keep preserved.
Someone being a loved one worth protecting from destruction or pain,
enough to lie to.. just to keep them happy or unhurt.
Why?
In reality, does self sacrifice,
in some cases only prove selfishness?
Because in actuality the human mind is designed,
-- or has evolved to solve problems--,
to grow, which is to learn to handle pain.
Why must we insist on sugar coating the things
we know people don't want to hear from us,
as if we're trying to protect them,
or mislead them rather.
Because when that happens,
its really only ourselves we want to protect.
From avoidable error or negative change.
Is it because what we want,
secretly, matters more?
Or is it because human logic is really
twisted enough to believe
that somehow disguising the truth
will protect anyone but ourselves?
Because like animals, we fear change. Deny all you like.
Sure we can handle it better than your average animal.
Because we are so well off with adaptation.
But does that mean we welcome it with open arms? No.
Despite what all those politicians tell us.
I don't think change is often
what we want in our future.
Unless there is only self gain involved.
Or self progression.
- Mood: exanimate
- Music:The Who - Baba O'Riley
<3
~_0
Beauty often
Seduces us
______On the road to truth.
Seduces us
______On the road to truth.
and I can taste metal when I lick from wisdom teeth,
in one slick motion, one side to the other.
Could it be the blood that I've expressed tasting,
From the flesh I've chewed,
in my very own mouth,
My own, not an animal, or a human I've biten.
Is Horror for our entertainment?
Yes, of course it is.
Embracing the amusement and laughter,
watching things die, for no reason.
Reason brings logic, brings thought,
brings human emotion & sympathy.
Which is why as human, we know,
by instinct we see it as morally wrong,
unlawful, unacceptible.
Believeing the ethic is that...
That who I see dying could have been anyone,
My friend, my mom, my sister, my brother, by dad,
When we learn to ignore this instinct, is it really "Sin"?
Or evolution?
Are our brains able to evolve to the point
that we can ignore instinct without guilt?
Could it be defying the law of mental gravity and chemistry?
Is the ability to do so, something to be rejected or embraced,
is it so wrong to just want to have a taste?.....
Bite on that, Bite on that, Bite on that,
& chew it. & chew it. & chew it.
A lie which makes me want to die inside.
This lie is irresponsible, and unbreakable.
I lied about my age so someone I've grown to love,
The truth is I'm not legal, he thinks I'm above.
Someday he will know, and probably leave me.
The guilt of this truth, had truly diseased me.
This man who I love is hardly just a fish
All that he is, not what he has,
makes my heart race,
I will never be the same,
with no one to blame but I.
For what I have told him was truly a lie.
The thought of consequence makes me cry,
the truth about love, is it will make you want to die.
At least I can say I tried.
I still am, and I always will.
Still yet hiding this from him kills me inside,
but sadly for us its not enough to convince me to end it now.
If he finds out, I hope he kills me,
for I cannot bare to lose this love freely.
I know if he knew, he would not forgive,
which makes this love for me a true sin.
I am willing to go to hell for this,
I am willing to fall for this,
I am willing to love him unconditionally for the rest of my days,
weither I'm with him or deep in my grave.
Because nothing will ever be the same,
time and choice leave none of us the same.
Time is who we have to blame.
But blame i not always negative,
I embrace it, knowing that what is changing me,
brings me to life and shows me to grow.
Of course I could tell him,
and try to catch a reliable fish,
but then life's thrill would be gone,
for what I look for is no pond,
hes shown me a world much more vast than the ocean,
somewhere I can go and be on edge,
somewhere I'd rather die,
instead of cozy and cliché.
I'd rather die alive and curious.
Will he ever find out, who knows, not me,
but thats just the gist of it,
I love him and thats all that matters to me right now.
And since I'm apparently only living for these special moments,
without fear of hell, who am I to think lies are useless,
when a lie is what gave me the key to find this beautiful place.
Love makes me feel alive and proud.
His faithful ways actually give me pride in my lie.
I know many will think I'm right, assuming I die a sinner,
but hey this short life I've lived so far is only the beginning.
Since I'm not dead, I think I'm winning.
- Location:dark computer corner.
- Mood:
Loving, yet tearful. - Music:Twisted - Diemuthafukadie
You know..
He likes to watch, that prankster.
Gives man instincts,
Gives us this extraordinary gift and then what does he do?
I swear, for his own amusement,
His own private cosmic gag reel.
He sets the rules set in opposition,
...The goof of all time...
Look ~but don't touch,
Touch ~but don't taste,
Taste ~ don't swallow.
And while we're down here jumping from one foot to the next,
What is he doing?
Hes laughing his sick fucking ass off.
Hes an absentee landlord.
Worship that!? Never.
Not this one.
I'm a fan of man.
Possibly I'm just a bitter, agnostic, humanist... ?
Free will, it is a bitch.
But then again, faith has pulled us through in the past.
For some of us.
Each time I find myself changing, Its like stepping into a new world.
With a new way of life by choice. A new way of finding my true euphoria.
A brand new love of new music and sound, a new love for different kinds of people,
a new understanding for things unknown to many, a understanding for the existent.
How long will it take to gain respect among the existent?
Does it really matter to me? Not really.
Although...
Sometimes it leaves me as a silent, shadow against the wall, intimidated and nervous.
But really,
the reality brings a practical attitude to us, the voices and demons within me.
In my head we unite and growl together, giving not a damn about who thinks what about us.
Hardly paying attention to the judgemental world that we live in.
I am who I choose to be, and I'm happy with that, thats all that matters.
Any friends or any person who wishes to be close with me must understand that,
I hardly enjoy spending my time caring about how the world views me,
a true friend of mine should be able to accept anyway I choose to be.
Just as I'm perfectly willing to always accept people,
I don't care who you are to the rest of the world,
I care about what you have to say, and
what your thinking.
I love meeting people who are not afraid to show their true colours.
I rarely judge on first impressions, unless given valid reason to reject friendship,
but for the most part I just accept people for their flaws. For flaws are interesting.
When I meet people, I know sometimes I can't help but wonder what people are
thinking of me, really I'm just hoping that even though I'm far from perfect,
whoever it is I'm speaking to is just alright with accepting me for who I am.
End of story.
For now.
And thats that.
With a new way of life by choice. A new way of finding my true euphoria.
A brand new love of new music and sound, a new love for different kinds of people,
a new understanding for things unknown to many, a understanding for the existent.
How long will it take to gain respect among the existent?
Does it really matter to me? Not really.
Although...
Sometimes it leaves me as a silent, shadow against the wall, intimidated and nervous.
But really,
the reality brings a practical attitude to us, the voices and demons within me.
In my head we unite and growl together, giving not a damn about who thinks what about us.
Hardly paying attention to the judgemental world that we live in.
I am who I choose to be, and I'm happy with that, thats all that matters.
Any friends or any person who wishes to be close with me must understand that,
I hardly enjoy spending my time caring about how the world views me,
a true friend of mine should be able to accept anyway I choose to be.
Just as I'm perfectly willing to always accept people,
I don't care who you are to the rest of the world,
I care about what you have to say, and
what your thinking.
I love meeting people who are not afraid to show their true colours.
I rarely judge on first impressions, unless given valid reason to reject friendship,
but for the most part I just accept people for their flaws. For flaws are interesting.
When I meet people, I know sometimes I can't help but wonder what people are
thinking of me, really I'm just hoping that even though I'm far from perfect,
whoever it is I'm speaking to is just alright with accepting me for who I am.
End of story.
For now.
And thats that.
Mostly, just by accepting tasks that need to be fufilled.
Setting myself up by not realizing that maybe I cannot fufill these things.
On the other hand, we all must fall to learn how to pick ourselves up.
Learning to deal with the stress of responsibilities earlier in life should prove to be helpful.
Being mature enough to go with any flow comfortably without being uncomfortable in your own skin.
Not you being anyone, Just me. Sometimes typing this LiveJournal crap, I'm only thinking to my mind
as if Me, Myself, I, We, Our, & You is me. Not to be vein, just because I don't expect anyone to actually
read this or know it, but me. Thats the common thought pattern and expectation of an only child.
LMAO On a light note, I am diggin this song, here I'll type it up,
Maybe if anyone does read it, they'll read and decide to download it, its killer.
I wanna be Batman,
'Cuz everybody really ain't shit to me,
My super hero, picture me
If I was, batman,
Studios and shows,
Utility belt with a compartment for the pre-rolled
Smokin' bat blood, off in the bat cave.
Gotham really don't look shit like Detroit
But I think these muthafucka's get the point.
Listen, word on the street,
About the Arkham break,
Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Catwoman, Two-face,
All trying to kill me, before the nightfall,
But I got a bat surprise, for each one of yall,
Scarecrow tryin' front me, when I'm up in lakeside,
Flash the bat-a-rang, watch a bitch nigga hide,
Hold up, I dunno
what the fuck you talkin' about,
You ain't batman, fuck you,
I'm batman..
I remember once,
I met this muthafucka in the flea market,
He was sellin' 8-10's with his autograph on em!
I got the gloves,
The belt ,
The boots,
Wait!,
Lemme walk in the closet for second..
Heeelp!
I got a Bat-dick!
Help! Heeelp!
You wanna see my dick bitch?!
Ahaha....
Always growing yet never knowing,
If the actions mean anything real,
Never knowing whats truly mutual,
Having to deal will the possibility of a lie,
Sportin' the optimistic glow n' attitude,
Leaves so many assuming we are unaffected,
Still between the lines we feel the sting.
Kickin it as if we don't care,
Making vanity laugh, with the irony of truth,
Tired from being the constant pleaser,
Watching the careless & wild is such a tease,
When you have to yield to one routine.
It seems too many only know the wrong thing to say,
Ridin' on through the negativity,
Always ignoring, looking to the light,
Sometimes the dark that dwells in the world distracts,
Steals my thunder,
The ball of fiery motivation,
The ability to be comfortable in the conversation.
Forever I can love,
Some day I'll die,
So why the fuck should I keep it to myself,
Even though forever is the lasting of that life,
Forever makes a life look shorter,
Leaving love easy to last longer.
- Music:_____Twiztid - Welcome Home
Forced to think,
To fidget and focus,
Rethinking every thought with priority.
How long will this obsession last,
Maybe its just new thinking patterns,
A mind as it matures?
A modern phase unfolding?
One thought starts before the previous ended,
The music captures me finally,
Healthiest way to spend this time,
Worry free, cause I did no crime,
Knowing & trusting,
Our instincts are honesty.
Still slightly wondering,
Will the week bring us back to the bottom of the hill,
Grilled and burned, fired, it'd make me ill.
Hurry boss, make the beans spill.
Shake, rattle and roll,
If the chance comes, I certainly will,
Sacrifice the emotions,
Just accept any pain,
Endure and push for the gain.
- Mood:
thoughtful - Music:Dark Lotus - She Was
I bet you like killers in 
disguise.
Or the creature who dwells in the shadows,
driven by death itself.
Only the satisfaction of slaughter,
will cause it to return to the darkness,
from which it came.....
Keep your light as long as you can. For..
He creeps, he hides. He sneaks, he slides.
disguise.Or the creature who dwells in the shadows,
driven by death itself.
Only the satisfaction of slaughter,
will cause it to return to the darkness,
from which it came.....
Keep your light as long as you can. For..
He creeps, he hides. He sneaks, he slides.
So many hurdles to jump over.
Thankfully those I call, and drop a line to, keep my secure.
Although If I was a loner, with no communications or anyone to contact,
I believe I would be okay.
These days it like... learning to keep those around me happy while trying to keep myself happy,
finding this balance has proved to be difficult. Like right now I'm on the borderline of being fired
by my boss cause he thinks I'm unreliable. To me, its just been these stupid short comings and
bad luck. The first time it was a medical reason, for I was feeling the effects of having blood with
really low iron. As of now I'm taking the strongest iron supplements. And then the second time I
missed, It was due to having my purse stolen while in surrey by an idiot who ran by me and
snatched my purse, which had my cellphone (with my works number & my only source of
phone calls) and my damn wallet. So yah, I'm disabled while my wallet is gone. Seeing as this
only happened just this past Friday.
Thankfully, this girl from work, Alex, told me she doesn't think my boss is so heartless that he
wouldn't fire me over losing my wallet and cell. Long as I make sure I tell him soon as possible.
I hope he understands and isn't to ticked, I really enjoy the work I do at Bon's. Another thing
is that I really enjoy the other people I work with, they make me happy to be there and proud to
be part of such a rad team.
- Location:Dark corner of bedroom
- Mood: thoughtful
- Music:Dark Lotus - Juggalo Family
